December 27, 2011

Unsocial Network

This is my first ever blog and after I write it I will post it on facebook, telling "friends" to read it.  Maybe I'll be lucky and someone, out in cyberland, will repost it so that their "friends" will read it...and then my "friend's friends" will read it and pretty soon all the "friends" on facebook will get a chance to read my blog.

But, my guess is that some of you just happened to stumble upon this blog and gave it a quick glimpse and thought, "Hey, I can do better than that.  Who cares what Bill has to say?  

Let's be honest.  You are probably right.  You could write something funnier, wittier and probably more entertaining then anything that I am about to offer, but you are here give a brother a chance.

Facebook.  It is how we now view most the people in our lives.  We see sides of them that we never knew were there.  There is a "friend" of mine, who I use to think was pretty, pretty cool.  I turns out this person whines, complains, bad mouths their spouse, and is all around just an absolute miserable human being.  Thanks facebook.  

I know what some of my "friends" eat for breakfast.  I know when their relationships go from being married to single.  I know when the kids have diarrhea.  When their sons struck out in Little League.  When their daughters got a stain on her new dress.

And the pictures.  The pictures.  We love the pictures.  We have proof of everything we just posted about.  LOOK!  This is what we had for breakfast.  "Oh!  That is what a bowl of oatmeal and a banana look like.  Now, it all makes sense.  You had oatmeal and a banana and presto there is a picture of it.

But, let's not forget to tag it.  If you happen to go, pretty much anywhere, and the person you are with just tweeted about it, foursquared you as being with them and now is putting up the pictures on facebook.  Guaranteed, if you were with that person for ten hours and in that ten hour span, you made one slightly awkward face and maybe your tongue was half out, your eyes were half crossed and your hair is being wind blown straight up.  SNAP!  That is the picture that is now being uploaded to facebook.  And BAM!  Now, you are tagged in it.  You can remove the tag, but not till after all your "friends" have witnessed it and now are referring to you as "One eyed Willie".  Thanks facebook.

So, stop tagging me when I look like Quasimodo.  Stop moaning about your little problem child.  We just don't care.  And we don't care what your new curtains look like.  If we really care about the curtains, then we are friends and I will see them the next time I'm over.  We don't care about what you will eat, are planning on eating or how it already is affecting your insides. We don't care about your fish tank, farm or if you just scored the highest score anyone has ever scored in Bejeweled Blitz.  And if you like song lyrics, share the freakin' song... give the composer their due.  We don't need to be calling the suicide hotline...because "I put the bullet in the chamber and the barrel in my mouth." (The Healing Faith)  AND NO MORE Cryptic messages or I don't know what you are talking about and now I don't care.  I am now officially on a rambling rant.

Sure, we all have bad days.  And sure we sometimes need a little encouragement, help, or just a place to vent...but keep it to a minimum.  It ain't that bad.  We all deal with the everyday crap.  And I promise that my next blogs will be joyful, fun and hopefully a lot better.

Thanks for reading.

Your "friend",