February 6, 2012

Solo Cathedral

A little while ago I rambled on about searching for a church.  (Murk Merkh Searches For A Church) Hopefully you read it.  If you haven't, it doesn't really matter it was just a nice segue into another church post.  That is really how you spell it.  I thought it was spelled "segway", but that is the way cool people get around.
"They're all looking at me.  Just act natural.  Look straight and stay cool,  Lester.  That's it, I'm cool."
I know, I know here is where Bill gets all preachy.
No, in fact, this story isn't even about me.  This is a story about a friend of mine, who was also in the hunt for a new church.  This is a TRUE story and although I will try to do it justice I am sure that with what little ability I have I will slaughter it beyond recognition - kind of like what Daryl Hannah's surgeon did.
"If I were the King of the Forressssttt,"

Since, I will not use his real name in the story I will call him: Albin.
Albin is a single guy, not too much going for him.  I mean, sure, he is nice and has a contagious laugh, but as a whole, just a simple man.  He just goes to work and follows it up with sitting on the couch and watching sports on television.  I'm sure he eats too, he is a little hefty...I'm sorry, that's unrelated.

Well, Albin is also a church-going kinda guy.  He has never been heavily involved in any one church, but helps out when needed and doesn't mind getting his hands dirty either.  (I'm mean, like cleaning, not like dumping a body.)  But, his pastor left his church and there was a big falling out of sorts and now Albin was in a limbo of sorts.  He was in search of a church.  No easy feat.  I can attest to that.
He was looking everywhere, when he ran into an old high school friend.  Now, I wasn't there, but this is how I was told it went down:
"Albin, great to see you."
"You too.  It's been a long time."
"Sure has.  Blah, blah, blah.  details unrelated.  So, where are you going to church, Albin?"
"Actually, I'm kinda between churches right now, I'm looking around for one now."
"Did you know that I am a pastor now, and I am starting my own church.  Why don't you come on Sunday and visit.  We meet at the elementary school."
"What time?"
"Eleven o'clock."
Albin thought for a few seconds and said, "Eleven o'clock sounds good.  I will be there."
"Don't be late," said his former buddy, now a pastor.  It had been years since he had seen this fellow and why not try it out?  So, he did.
He pulled up at just before eleven.  Out in the parking lot he was greeted by his "friend".
"Come on in," said the pastor.  "It's just down the hallway."
They went into a room with about thirty chairs and nobody else was there.  It was still before eleven.  Then the pastor said, "Albin, but do you mind I am going to go over my notes, just find a seat anywhere."  The pastor sat up front.
Albin sat in the third row.  He brought his Bible and skimmed through it, waiting for the other members to arrive.  Betcha know where this is going.
Nobody came.  Eleven o'clock came and the pastor walked to the small wooden pulpit.
"Please rise," he said.  "We will now sing our first hymn.  Turn to page 52, To God Be the Glory."
Albin looked around.  It was just the two of them.  Maybe others will join.
They sang To God Be the Glory and followed it with two more hymns.  Then he had them sit...following it up with announcements.
What follows announcements?
That's right...
"We will now pass the offering plate."
What would you do?
Because, it's official.  This dude is crazy.
Not the Pastor - Just Crazy

Albin considered this and figured the entertainment value was worth: Two dollars.
It was cheaper than some other forms of amusement.
$36.95 - For the weight.

The whole time, acting as though it was a full house.  Albin told me he started looking for cameras to see if he was being punk'd.
But, Aston Kutchner never came.
The sermon was preached and a final prayer was given and the congregation was dismissed.  Then, the pastor walked over to Albin and said, "Hopefully you can join us again."
Albin never went back, in fact, I believe he went running to his car.

Now, if it was me, I don't know what I would have done...and I don't know if I could have held it together.  It would have been too awkward for me.  Just the two of us...especially the singing part.  I didn't like being alone in the room with the Big Mouth Billy Bass.
"Take me to the river, Billy."
Hopefully this blog hasn't sent you running to your car.  Keep coming back...and feel free to LIKE us.  (C'mon, everybody's doing it.)  OUR FACEBOOK FAN PAGE - please go and Like us...I'm begging you.  PLEASE.  PLEASE.  It will make you popular.  I promise.
Have you had any good church searching stories...I would love to hear them...unless they are boring, because if they are boring, my time is very valuable.  I could be watching TV or writing this slop.  But, if it is a good story, SHARE it with us.

Reverend Bill
(not actually a reverend)