February 1, 2012

Jungle Fervor

It's Black History Month and here at the blog we are celebrating!
To recognize some great black people who might not normally get their due.  But, don't worry honkies, you'll get your turn soon.  Don't go getting your confederate flag panties in a bunch, just skip this post and listen to Ma and Pa play Dueling Banjos while you pick the straw out of your three teeth.

*May I take a quick sidebar?  Of course, I can, it's my blog.  This is for the few chuckleheads who still wave the confederate flag...I hate to break it to you, but you lost.  In fact, it was lost around 100 years before you were born.  Why are you still clinging to the losing side?  I'm not wearing my "Russia 1980 Hockey Team" sweater, my "Green Goblin Forever" hoodie, my "Michael Duakis '88" windbreaker, my Team Drago" hat, my "Cobra Commander" pants or "You Could Be Outside Instead blog 2013 tee-shirt."  What they all have in common is they are losers...and so are you.
"Psst..I've heard this Roman Empire might make a come back.  Let's be the first ones back on the bandwagon."

We want to make everyone happy. (Except the Klan, we don't really care what they think.  We enjoy Boyz  in the Hood, much more than the boys in the hoods.  Hey, that's the best I've got.  I've got a couple more, like pointed hoods make it easier to fit the dunce cap, but that's a stretch, with jokes like those the enemy wins.)
The Klan on a stroll
Black History Month has always been met with great debate, but we are not here to talk about racism or the pros and cons of Black History Month.  We are here for a few cheap giggles and because we are bored and we have nothing better to do for the next six minutes.

Now, I am not trying to be controversial or radical or whatever you want to label me, we just want to have fun. So, I thought, what better way to kick off February than to kick it off with a little soul.

We could have named all of the same black people we always talk about during Black History Month...
George Washington Carver    Rosa Parks   Booker T. Washington
George Washington Carver

But, this is a humor site, right?  Well, at least we try to be funny.  Although, we are about as funny as gynecomastia.  Okay, that is pretty funny, but we still try our best.  Hey, you get what you pay for, so stop complaining.

When I thought about what I was planning on writing for this post (yes I do think about this before I start writing) I thought maybe I would write about some great black comedians.  But, every other black history funny blog is already doing that.
Dave Chappelle   Richard Pryor    Chris Rock    Redd Foxx   Flip Wilson  Eddie Murphy
Bill Cosby   Garrett Morris   Dick Gregory   Donald Glover   Childish Gambino
Fred Sanford

But, today I would love to talk to you about a truly great American...and yes, he's black, because if he wasn't black it would make odd Black History selection.  This man is an inventor and he has made it his goal to put a weapon in every child's hands.  We would like to honor, the creator of the Super Soaker: Lonnie G. Johnson.
An Awesome Dude

Lonnie Johnson was born in 1949 in Mobile, Alabama.  Down south, ya'll.  His father was a World War II veteran, and a handyman who loved inventing.  Lonnie's dad and he created a pressurized chinaberry shooter out of bamboo shoots when he was a child.

But, Lonnie kept on inventing.  He was thirteen years old and took a lawnmower engine and scrap pieces from a junkyard and built his own go-cart.  He was racing down the highway in his pimped out lawnmower go-cart when the police pulled him over.  Good thing it wasn't the LAPD.  (I've heard some things.)

Have you ever blown up your mother's kitchen?  Lonnie did, while trying to make rocket fuel, which he got the recipe from a library book.  (* A library is a place that has books.  Books are things that are writings on paper - not a computer screen.  I know, it sounds to weird to me too.)
Anyway, He was able to use that fuel to build a mini rocket ship.  He later in life used some of these ideas when he worked as a system engineer for the Galileo and Cassini missions to Jupiter and Saturn.

Now, let's get to the important things like spraying neighborhood kids and cats with water.  Sure, using the hose is always fun, but I need it portable.  Oh yeah, the Super Soaker.  Thanks, Lonnie.
He took PVC, a Coke Bottle, and plexiglass and armed his six year old daughter with the first ever Super Soaker.  She destroyed the other kids with their weak little water guns.

And years later, and a revenue of $400 million, Lonnie can relax and kick his feet up, but he hasn't.  He still continues to invent and owns over 62 patents.  This dude is a genius.  So, no matter what race you are, you gotta respect a this guy.  Lonnie G. Johnson.

Now, go out and listen to Hendrix or James Brown and remember we are all the same on the inside.  So, if you are still a racist after reading my blog, have somebody explain this post to you, because your family tree might be a straight line, but no matter what color you are, we still love you.

~A William Merkh Joint~