January 3, 2012

Super Freaks

Sometimes we all look like freaks, whether we want to admit or not.
Do you sing with the radio blaring TLC's No Scrubs, when you feel the elderly couple's eyes from the car next to you gawking at you?
Do you talk to yourself, when you are trying to remember something important?
 "Don't forget the Cheerios.  Don't forget the Cheerios."
Do you start mowing the lawn, but as your half way done, the sky opens and you have to make the decision:
A.) Do I look like a freak now, a continue to mow it while it's pouring.
B.) Do I look like a freak for the rest of the week because I have a lawn that half mowed, because I'll be busy till next Thursday.

Sometimes just doing stuff that is out of context makes us look like a freak.
Wearing a bathrobe = Not a freak.
Wearing a bathrobe to church = Freak.
Dancing at a wedding = Not a freak.
Dancing at a funeral = Freak.
Playing miniature golf = Not a freak.
Playing miniature golf alone = Freak.

Going to the movies alone = Freak?

I don't know.  I would say, "Nope, not a freak."  While, some of you reading would label that as 'freakish.'
You are going into a big dark room.  You are going there to watch whatever it is in front of you.  You are not talking.  You are trying to pay attention to the film you just spent this weeks paycheck to go see.  (And right after you just took out that second mortgage to go see Transformers 5: Attack of the Wallet.) There are no conversations, so there is no need for another human being to be present to make your experience any better.  In fact, most of the time the other person is just a distraction from the screen.  

What did he say?
I missed that line too, because I just said 'What did he say."
Who is she?
What else was she in?
Oh! yeah, I remember, Planet of the Apes.
Not the Tim Burton one.
Did you see that one?
Yeah, Mark Wahlberg.  You know Marky Mark.
Remember singing along with the Funky Bunch.  "You got the right stuff, baby."
Oh, that was New Kids.  Yeah, I'm thinking of his brother, Donnie.
I don't know why this movie has to be black and white.
Wait! She wasn't in Planet of Apes.  I'm thinking of someone else.  Forget it.
So, is Schindler guy ever gonna finish this list?

But, with all that to say:  I enjoy going to the theater alone.  In fact, I prefer it.  I can be engulfed in the action, drama or comedy without having the nuisance of someone bothering me.  I can simply watch without the distractions.

It was Die Hard 4.  It came out somewhere near the fourth of July.  I was alone. I took an early showing, wearing my baggiest clothes, so I could enjoy the snacks from Wal-Mart.  I arrived early to make sure I had the ultimate viewing position.  It was showing on their biggest screen and with the stadium seating I was going to find the perfect seat.  There were thousands of seats, everyone was mine for the choosing.  It was empty.  Not another soul within my theater mile.  I went up the forty flights and took DEAD CENTER.  I sat there a few minutes trying to answer questions like, "Who starred in Saving Private Ryan?  _OM H_NKS"
When a few faces started making their way into the empty theater.  Now, we had about fifteen small clusters scattered throughout the massive stadium.
That is when a clean shaven man, came in slurping from his monster sized cup, carrying a drum of popcorn and laughing loudly to no one began to walk down my row.  With thirty seats on either side of me, and fifteen hundred surrounding me...he choose the seat next to mine.  He plopped himself down, as if I were expecting him.  I wanted to get up or tell him to get up.  But, I didn't have any courage.  I sat there, contemplating my next move.
"Tom Hanks!" he shouted.  Boy, was he proud of that one.
"You want any popcorn?" he asked me.
"I-I-I-I'm sorry, what?" I asked.  Was he really talking to me.
"Popcorn."  he held out the large tub, letting kernels fall into my lap.
"No, thank you," I meekly replied.  Putting my head down.  What was I going to do?
The previews came on.  Let, me tell you.  This fellow loved him some previews.  He talked through everyone.  He shouted at the screen.  He laughed.  He commented.  I was so close to getting up and just moving, but I had picked that seat, and some schmuck was not about ruin it for me.

Then the movie started.  He couldn't have been more quiet.  I had check to see if he was still there a couple of times.  Near, the end I was checking for a pulse.  He said nothing, just watched the movie.  Was I on Candid Camera?  I continued to watch the movie and he was as quiet as a church mouse.  I needed to know what was he doing.
"Mind if I have some popcorn?" I asked.  He put out the popcorn, not saying a word.
"What did he say?" I asked.  He didn't respond.
"I missed that line too, because I just said 'What did he say.'"
"Who is she?" I asked.
And so I tried with all my might, to get him to say something, but he was too busy watching the movie...even though I think he nodded when I talked about Charlton Heston.
The movie ended and as the credits rolled, I said, "goodbye."  I think he was annoyed.

So, who was the freak?
I guess sometimes we all are.

Thanks for reading freaks.