February 27, 2012

Bad Job Academy

I am a big fan of movies.  I love a great film.  I am also one of those wanna-be critic chuckleheads.  I can't just sit there and enjoy the movie for entertainment.  I dissect it like a high school science class.
I love art direction, camera angles, lighting, and all that boring stuff.
Yeah, I probably follow the directors more than the movies themselves.
Who wrote the movie?  Well, seriously I'm asking.
How much CGI did they use?  I don't care.
What's the dialogue?
I'll admit I'm a nerd, not like Potsie Weber, no more like Roger Ebert, but without the money, fame and speech impediment.

It's Oscar time...
and every year the Academy Awards usually get it wrong.  Every year they make more bad choices than Eddie Murphy...Sure, they get one right once in awhile, but Murphy picked Shrek too.

Let's look at some of our past Oscar winners for Best Picture:

Dances with Wolves
This would make a much better movie.

Wow!  That movie was long...I fell asleep just thinking about it.   That movie was so long that I stumbled out of the theater like Rip Van Winkle, disoriented...
"What year is it?"
"Where is my family?"
"The best actor in that was the 13th Buffalo."
If he had actually danced with wolves, maybe I would agree that it should have won.  Now, of course no other movies in 1990 were worth the Oscar over that Kevin Costner wolf dancing film.

Oh yeah, Goodfellas.  What is wrong with the Academy?  Did they not see both movies?  Henry Hill should have put Costner in a trunk.  And how did Marty Scorsese not win the best director?  Scorsese should have put Costner in a trunk.  (I know the joke didn't work the first time either.)
Bad job Academy.

How Green Was My Valley
I guessing the third one to the left.

I've never seen it, but I have seen the Maltese Falcon...and movies don't get any better than that...oh wait, what?  Citizen Kane was in the same year?  Newspaper mogul, who the film is based on, William Randolph Hearst made sure that Kane didn't win, so are you telling me some shady business was going on behind the scenes at the Academy?  What is going on?
Bad job Academy.

I'll just pick one more.

Forrest Gump
Mama said, "life is like an overrated movie."

But, wait this a movie everyone loves.  It has to be the #1 most overrated movie ever!  Okay, I forgot Scarface...my bad.  So, did I like Forrest Gump?  I didn't, but in case you forgot...I'm not normal.  I'm not like that town in Illinois. (Hopefully, you get that joke.  It is weak, but you should expect nothing less.)  It's like this joke:

Another weak joke.  I am in one of those moods.  

How did Forrest Gump beat both Pulp Fiction and Shawshank Redemption.  Forrest Gump took out two of my top twenty movies of all time and it doesn't even make my top 250.  It had a couple of good catch phrases and I do love shrimp, but seriously?  That is a terrible job Academy.

Sorry this isn't one of my funnier posts, but it's better than reading other blogs, unless they are really good blogs...than you should read them.  I wish I had more jokes for you, but how about next time?  Is that okay?  Thanks for understanding...just being critical.

All that to say some of my favorite movies aren't the greatest movies.  Yes, I love some of the critical acclaimed Godfather movies, Citizen Kane, Wizard of Oz, but there are others that I am not fond of at all...On the Waterfront or Singin' In the Rain.  And I have favorites that like Dirty Work, Batman, Zombieland, and The Royal Tenebaums.
So after reading all this, just ignore it and go out and enjoy whatever movie you like.  I hear White Chicks is on cable.

I give this post two thumbs down.
- Critic Bill